Caring for new mums

For a first time father the first few weeks at home with a new baby are often a gauntlet of doubt, sleep deprivation and frustration, with odd moments of joy when your baby goes to sleep. (It gets a lot better.)

It is generally worse for the new mother ; she is recovering from birth and perhaps a C-section, riding an emotional roller-coaster, trying to breastfeed a screaming infant she may believe she is starving,and has little experienced help but lots on uninformed advisors.

Life as she knew it has evaporated, her traditional support structure is gone, she feels trapped and is often physically attached, and under the best of circumstances, gets no more than a few hours rest. Exhausted and overwhelmed, due to her "maternal instinct," she is expected to also know and do all the baby needs. Talk about a setup!

Brave it out Dads because this is your  time to deliver. And here are a few pointers to make you shine Learn the easy way from your predecessors who -lets face it- learnt the hard way.......

• Quickly learn to change nappies, burp and calm your crying baby by jumping in from the start.  Show mum she can count on you.

•  Coordinate any help.  Obtain what you need from family, friends or neighbours, and make sure it is actually helpful.

•  Keep necessary resources available, including phone numbers of doctors, the hospital, helpful books, etc., and use them.

•  Tell her she is doing great and will be a wonderful mum 

•  Help her get some sleep, and try to get some yourself.

Your partner may also think she's inherently supposed to know it all , yet at  the same time she is feeling staggered and lost. Reassure her that you are in it together and you will get through it together. By being positive, constructive and encouraging you will help build her confidence and indeed your own.

Try to help out as much as you can. In the middle of the night when the baby is crying, and both of you are dead tired, reach deep and find the strength to get up and hand her the baby if she is breastfeeding. Or take it in turns with bottlefeeding, that way one of you gets some sleep. 

Show her that you love her with a quick backrub. When your child is calm, remind her of the miracle that she brought into your world. Together, check out your baby’s fingers, toes and nose, and talk of the future – your child’s first date, first day at school, and of course, the first time he sleeps through the night.

Some new mums totally thrive, like they were born to be a mum and some find it a hard adjustment or a complete minefield. Some babies sleep through the night right off and rarely cry others seem to cry all the time and rarely sleep!.  And be aware that "natural" mums and calm babies don’t need as much from dad so don’t let yourself be left out.

It is often the little things that count the most. "Nice job, mum," when your baby goes to sleep on a tummy full . The impromptu backrub that feels good and leaves mum feeling loved and appreciated. The encouraging call home in the afternoon when your baby will tend to be fussy and mum frustrated and tired.

Make her day, after arriving home, no matter how tough the day at work has been,  walk in, Kiss mum, then take the baby and give mum a break.